MY TRASH

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I'm starting to hate common tests. A few minutes ago, I just realized that I can't study Geography today because, I forgot my textbook. I admit, I forgot about it totally. As I got my results for Physics and Chinese, I failed Physics. 13/30. It's a high pass, that's what Syarr said. I studied the hell out of me for it. And I failed. But at least I passed Chinese. Today was Chemistry and I'm gonna fail Combined Science. I feel like a failure to my mom because she paid the tutor so much and I failed. Gotta pass for end of year exam. Ahhh!!

Today was pretty boring or simple...
--> Further practice on cane drills
--> Watched The Simpsons (won't it be cool if your dad is like Homer Simpson?)
--> Went to KFC for dinner with my precious big thing..
--> Worrying about POA as usual.

I really feel like raising my hands to tesify. I'm not getting sufficient sleep.

This may sound stupid.. But I dreamt about my STC (Survival training camp) in Ubin a few days ago. I dreamt that I turned the campfire night upside down and turned it into a concert. It was so vivid and I dreamt something like this:

Area 9, I say a Hey-Hoooooooo...

Hey-Hoooooooooooo...

I say Hey-Hoooooooo....

Now, I would like everybody in this campsite to freak out.

*Screams, shrills..*

Is everybody in Area 9 ready?

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!

I started clapping and everyone did.

And this song of ours went on:

Sing a song of the camp that's louder than yours with all eternity, the era of STC is contraband, tell us CIs (pointing to the CIs) a story that's by candlelight, waging a friendship among us all. Sing a song of the camp, tell us a story into the campfire night, sing us a song... for me...

It sounds like a song named: Song of the Century by Green Day.

This song is stuck in my mind and I would be like singing it to myself. -.- Maybe this is the result from watching too much Green Day live videos. But hey, they're brilliant okay... Especially him...

MR TRE COOL!

Talking about tall people and Shahrul, I remembered about Shahril. I wonder how is he doing. Somehow, I miss him. It's so sad now that he doesn't talk to me. But after talking to Iqbal for awhile (5 minutes ago), I'm glad to hear that he's doing well in his studies. Ahh, I just miss the freakishly tall 1.82 metres tall guy.

It BLOWed up at 6:28 AM

Monday, July 27, 2009

Today's Monday. And I've got 3 more papers to go. POA, Chemistry and Physics. Physics was almost as easy as pie and like what Mr. Ashiq said, there were really some questions with nonsense. After assembly today, I ran back to class to get my bag as I left it in class (kinda stupid). I went to the staff room to meet Mr. Syam but apparently like what Angie said, I was quite late but I got the information that Peer Mentoring session starts this Wednesday at 1500-1800. I went to np room to get Yongsheng's drill cane to practice. But apparently when I saw his drill cane, the rest of the squad was like, ''No! It's Steven's!'' But Yongsheng told me he brought it his drill cane home so it can't be Steven's. Jiaji had to call him so that it would be clearer. How stupid can it get... But well, I made a marking on his blue carabena(?) so that it won't get mixed up easily with Steven's and the squad won't have a chance to say anything about it. That's what I hate about them. Argh..

This week's schedule: occupied, occupied, free, occupied.

It BLOWed up at 6:27 AM

Sunday, July 26, 2009

After the school holidays have ended, the usual training on Fridays only began last week because of the swine flu. But well, glad that it's back but there's only like 4 or 5 trainings left.

Today was quite boring as usual. It's a Sunday, what can you expect? I went to meet him today and it was supposely to be a meeting. My hierarchy chart was quite okay but the problem lies with the logisitics department. That's what the overall in charge said. After the common test, Irfan and I will start on the proposals and I'll be sending the squad the hierarchy chart, proposal/ lecture formats and the important things to take note of. Irfan better be free when it's proposal day.

I can't wait for HIT course!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It BLOWed up at 7:23 AM

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I miss you. Please tell me what's going on. If it's what happened last week, I'm feel terrible about it. I'm not gonna say sorry or what, because I don't want you to think that the only word I can say is sorry. Please just call me or make some contact with me. I know that you're sick. But I'm freakin' worried. I called you, texted you. But there isn't any reply and instead, when Jared called you, you picked up. I'm sorta hurt by it. Just last night, I looked at our picture in sec 2. I'm getting emotional.. Sorry.. -.- I just gotta talk to you. I wanna know how you're feeling now physically. I just miss you so much! There's anxiety in me about you!

It BLOWed up at 9:24 AM

Thursday, July 16, 2009

As I was walking back home from lunch with Jia Hui at the library's bus stop, I thought of the past memories. I remembered that we shared your umbrella after your extra lesson when you were in secondary five. I felt really happy as from there, I know that I can always count on you. This year's memories aren't that bad either. I remembered how was my 1st movie at eHub with you. There were also the bad memories which made me think twice about you.

After you went to polytechnic and made it as a CI, I was really happy for you. But gradually, you're increasingly busy. Sometimes, I was really wondering what were you up to in school. As for you making it to be a CI, I'm really damn proud of you about it. In the end, I'm the one giving the love and not you. From the past it was the reverse opposite instead. When I finally found that I really love you, you went off to Redang for the next couple of days. It's hard, but I still made it through.

Remember about the time you went for area 15's atc and stc? I was really disappointed and upset, I just didn't know what to do anymore. At the point when I waited for your sms, I knew that the following Monday, we won't be watching any movie at all. I just know it. I was sick and tired of waiting and I laid in my bed thinking: Where were you when I needed you the most? I need some quality time with you and here you are telling me that you have camp the next day and ever since last week, you told me about how excited you were for the movie on Monday and we agreed to it. I just can't bother about you and I switched on my phone to silent and went to bed. I really missed you, I really needed you. But you were on another island working your ass off and at the following morning, you'll set off to Ubin. You blew it, you really did. But I just can't except the truth.

Currently, I don't know what's wrong with me. Deep inside of me, I still know that I love you and we're tired. Really tired. Do you still want to continue this? My patience, my tears, my love for you got drained away. I talked to Shu Xian about our problem and even though she don't really have a nice impression of you, she still wants me to be with you. I'm missing you now and my tears are about to burst as I'm holding them back. Like what Shu Xian said, this relationship is way to long to put it down. I always believe that I can go a long, long way with you. But as always, I have doubts. Whenever you said that you'll call me back, I'll be having some anxiety till now. You didn't call me or text me for the whole day, honestly, I'm having some anxiety now. It really sucks. This feeling is overwhelming. It's okay about that. I need time too.

And hey, I still wanna go to HIT course and NCO course and future events with you. Whenever there's any NPCC event on, I always would choose to stick to you. Why you ask? It's simply because I'm proud to have a CI boyfriend like you. But now, I'm heart brokened. This is the result of not telling your feelings. I really don't know what to do now...

It BLOWed up at 4:16 AM

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I had a really bad day today. I thought I can maybe feel better today. I'm just wrong. Well, 2 people really made me upset and pissed. I don't wish to say who it is but really, the 1st person had no responsibility to tell me what needs to be done until I ask. If I'm not that alert and that person didn't tell me, won't 4 people get scolded for nothing just because of that person's mistakes? Now, the 2nd person. I don't want to talk about it. I hope what Mr. Ow do is right. Though he is 46 years old now (his birthday is today, July 15th), I hope he don't forget it since he has a brilliant memory.

I had tuition today and I really gained knowledge. Haha. But I'm still careless with the formula for coordinate geometry. As in, y=mx+c and the long formula equation with y2-y1 over x2-x1. I finally understand that chapter. That leaves Functions of Non-linear graphs. I still suck at it, but probably after 2 hours of tuition, I'll understand it. I'm still left with Pressure for Physics too, but Mr. Ashiq said he'll cover it at the next lesson. I think it'll be possible to complete the chapters before the common test starts.

I drafted out a job scope list for my squad mates for the HIT course and NCO course. But well, I still hope that they will tell me what they want to be and not me or Irfan before assigning them to various jobs. Overall, I need:
6 lecturers
2 to assess sec two's MOI
6 people to teach/ revise with the sec ones and twos various drills (arms, baton and foot).
3 people to be the field NCO or should I say sergeant.
8 people to teach/ revise tent pitching with sec ones and twos
5 people to teach flagstaff
Who should be up to the job, I don't know. Still trying to even out the squad for manpower side. But I gotta wait till training resumes so that I can plan the 2 courses soon.

I've been wondering... Who's looking at this post and the previous ones...

It BLOWed up at 7:35 AM

Monday, July 13, 2009

I'm freaking out these days. It's like I'm having mood swings and it's real creepy to me. Ah well, I was suppose to meet Qian Ying today but I think she forgot. Today when well as Mr. Ng's lesson was the first 3 periods. He viewed some commercial projects and he told us to hand in our argumentative essays. I actually handed in 2 of my essays. One of them was in the proper format and the other one was more of my own argumentative essays. But it seems like after English, the other periods were slow.

So after school, I went to NP room since I was told that there will be a meeting. But the meeting was like only 20 minutes and after that we were playing frisbee. I don't wanna go much into the details but I reall sucked at catching and I didn't know Jia Ji and Luke are very competive. It's fun, I enjoyed playing with them. Sunny, Khaliesah, Luke, Jia Ji. Squadmates what... what can you expect?

After I when to Popular and I was heading home, I saw Iqbal. I mean, I feel bad. I was in a bad mood and I waved to him with my 'angry' face on. And hey Iqbal, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. I'm not in a good mood. I was rather thinking more about Shahril. He's really hope that he's really okay with me after what I told him. But after telling him, I feel good. Problem is, I really hope to be friends with him and you know, being friends with him happily ever after. I just hope he's okay.

Now, there's the problem. My own problem. It's freaking me out. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anybody know what's wrong with me?

It BLOWed up at 6:49 AM

Saturday, July 11, 2009

I'm really happy and really sad right now. I'm happy because just last night at 11, I received a call from Sir Steven saying that I'll be the overall coordinator in-charge for this year's H.I.T course and NCO course. I'm sad because my thoughts are haunting me. Nothing ever seems to built to last. After meeting Shahril today, I found out lots of things which I wouldn't wanna know. Right now, I feel like crap telling myself constantly that he isn't that type of guy which my friends around me said about him. It sucks, really sucks.

I have sinned.

It BLOWed up at 8:20 AM

Thursday, July 9, 2009

I'm getting down as days go by. I'm getting really sian. And it's really true that the only time I'm happy in a day is when I'm in school. Jared's really the best. We did a whole lot of crap today. We fooled around during Chemistry and Social Studies. He stapled my skirt pocket and my sleeve. In return I ''tampered'' his pants for him. Haha. Pay back. And when I asked him to staple my notes for me, he stapled right in the middle of the paper and when I saw it, I didn't say anything. I was vibrating. Usually when I vibrates, it means it's way too funny for me. I got to staple his notes back in the same style twice. Haha. If you noticed his pants today, it seems like he's having mensuration. But guys, please don't be so bad to tease him about it. It ain't true. It's red marker ink that got smudged. He was really tired at English that he fell asleep while standing. What a guy.. Haha. He really made my day.

When can I be back to my normal self? This feeling is so overwhelming. I guess, I really need time. I really do. Meanwhile, I soooo look forward to Saturday. Hope he can help me.

It BLOWed up at 8:42 AM

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I'm really having a bad time now. Jared's weird behavior is back. It happened before and now it's happening again. We were laughing like usual and during Physics, his behavoir turned. It was real upsetting for me. But in my current situation now, it's best to talk in a real happy way. I mean, I don't know why but, if I'm upset with something I'll just to hide it. I'll look happy on the outside but on the inside, not at all. Ah well, I remembered that just today Jared and me were having like a origami session. He folded this really cute ''water lily'' and a sampan. And all I know is how to fold paper hearts. Zzz. Xuan You once again, speculate that Jared and me are together. But we're just friends, real best friends. But I really hate it when his freakishly long legs push against my chair in class. It's real bad to sit in front of him. Before the new seating arrangement happened he used to seat behind Jared. Jared suffered the same fate as me. Hahaha. But it seems like the only time when I can feel happy and feel happy is when I'm in school.

And I really feel like crying now. I'm watching a special programme for Michael Jackson. Oh, it's just sad and touching when you hear and see the emotions of his loved ones like his daughter.

'Oh bless me lord for I have sinned. It's been a lifetime since I last confessed'. These words seem to be stuck in my head. Maybe I listened to East Jesus Nowhere too much.

It BLOWed up at 6:13 AM

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Every project, every assignment is done. The POA video project, English video commercial, drill manuals. Yeap, it's all done. I'm reliefed. I hope the picture of the baton will pass. It's like a 'home made picture'. What can I say? I can't find any over the internet and after school today, I went to np room to take pictures of the baton and the 'frog'. It when well as planned. :D

I enjoyed school today. All thanks to Jared. He was shaking his ass and singing. Hahaha. He's a weird guy but that cheered me up to what happened last night or should I say early morning. As usual, Xuan You was a nusicance to me. He keeps calling me feather.. It's really annoying. I'd really like to tie him up to his chair and tape his mouth with some strong duct tape. His legs are so freakishly long. In order to get what he wants from me, he'll be pushing and pulling my chair with his legs. I know lah, his legs long and he's from Taekwondo. But it's getting annoying. But what can I do? He's seated behind me.

As I was on my way home today after school, I got approached by somebody. He was conducting this survey. It took at least like 10 minutes. I guess he's suppose to find about commercial or advertising stuff. But I got some free Gatsby stuff. It's worth it to help him out. During the survey, I can see that he's real tired. But well, glad that I'm of some help.

It BLOWed up at 3:24 AM

Monday, July 6, 2009

These few days have been real tiring for me. I slept at 2 in the morning, woke up at 9 or 10. You might think it's okay, but it's not for me. I need sleep! But I don't wanna be like Shahril. Eat, sleep, eat, sleep. Haha. You may think he's a fat guy. But he's not. He's all skin and bones. I bumped into him on Sunday while heading to Popular to buy some books with my tutor. My reaction when I saw him was totally slow. In my mind, I was like 'Who the hell is this guy? He's so familiar.' And few seconds later, 'Oh, it's Shahril! Oh my god!' Aww, I didn't expect to bump into him. He said he even saw me today.

It's gonna be real busy for me tomorrow. I wanna open NPCC room tomorrow to take a picture of a baton and edit with labels and place it in the baton drill manual. If you noticed on Sunday, I was really very pissed with somebody. I don't wanna mention names. But it's really too much for me to swallow. At least 50% of the document is my work. How can you put your name there as created by you? Huh, huh? How can you do that? I put in my time for the document and this is what I get. If this is so, then don't bother to ask me do it at all. Don't take all the credit away. Lucky Putra sort of calm me down. I'm gonna do like what Putra said.

I'm gonna make this drill manual a perfect one. No spelling errors, no grammatical errors.

It BLOWed up at 7:51 AM

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Crap. All I remember today was that I have a headache. A real bad one. I remembered shouting at Javier and Ryan. I feel bad about it. But they were real obnoxious. If you know me well, you'll know why. I slept nearly for about 2 periods = 1 hour before recess. It's like my head's gonna split just any minute, you know?

I heard from Bernard the chairman of my class saying that I'm still going to be paired up with Jared. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. But he's making me laugh. He keeps dancing and singing. Hahaha. Most people misunderstood Jared as a weird guy. But he's nice. And so, after school, I went to meet Syarifah. She texted me saying that there was something urgent she wanted to tell me. But till now, I don't know what it is. But she treated me to a cup of milk tea today. I love her~ She's my bestest, bestest, bestest, ever friend! Nobody can replace her. With her around, I'm contended. ^^

It BLOWed up at 6:26 AM

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

It's been 3 days since school re-opened. Today went well. It's just that I have the same problem again. I'm sleepy. I just can't help it. Maybe what my chinese teacher said was true. It's about the blood circulation thingy to your brain. Maybe I should get myself checked by the chinese physician tomorrow. I'm gonna visit him again and it's gonna cost me a lot.

School was fun. Haha. It's fun again to sit next to Jared. It's like back to the old days. But I think, he wanna change his seat AGAIN. Oh well, since there's ACE tomorrow, I'll just see how it goes. And I'd really like to thank him for thinking about a subsitute for a flexible ruler. Actually, those normal plastic rulers can be used as a flexible ruler too. Haha.

It BLOWed up at 7:49 AM