MY TRASH

Thursday, July 16, 2009

As I was walking back home from lunch with Jia Hui at the library's bus stop, I thought of the past memories. I remembered that we shared your umbrella after your extra lesson when you were in secondary five. I felt really happy as from there, I know that I can always count on you. This year's memories aren't that bad either. I remembered how was my 1st movie at eHub with you. There were also the bad memories which made me think twice about you.

After you went to polytechnic and made it as a CI, I was really happy for you. But gradually, you're increasingly busy. Sometimes, I was really wondering what were you up to in school. As for you making it to be a CI, I'm really damn proud of you about it. In the end, I'm the one giving the love and not you. From the past it was the reverse opposite instead. When I finally found that I really love you, you went off to Redang for the next couple of days. It's hard, but I still made it through.

Remember about the time you went for area 15's atc and stc? I was really disappointed and upset, I just didn't know what to do anymore. At the point when I waited for your sms, I knew that the following Monday, we won't be watching any movie at all. I just know it. I was sick and tired of waiting and I laid in my bed thinking: Where were you when I needed you the most? I need some quality time with you and here you are telling me that you have camp the next day and ever since last week, you told me about how excited you were for the movie on Monday and we agreed to it. I just can't bother about you and I switched on my phone to silent and went to bed. I really missed you, I really needed you. But you were on another island working your ass off and at the following morning, you'll set off to Ubin. You blew it, you really did. But I just can't except the truth.

Currently, I don't know what's wrong with me. Deep inside of me, I still know that I love you and we're tired. Really tired. Do you still want to continue this? My patience, my tears, my love for you got drained away. I talked to Shu Xian about our problem and even though she don't really have a nice impression of you, she still wants me to be with you. I'm missing you now and my tears are about to burst as I'm holding them back. Like what Shu Xian said, this relationship is way to long to put it down. I always believe that I can go a long, long way with you. But as always, I have doubts. Whenever you said that you'll call me back, I'll be having some anxiety till now. You didn't call me or text me for the whole day, honestly, I'm having some anxiety now. It really sucks. This feeling is overwhelming. It's okay about that. I need time too.

And hey, I still wanna go to HIT course and NCO course and future events with you. Whenever there's any NPCC event on, I always would choose to stick to you. Why you ask? It's simply because I'm proud to have a CI boyfriend like you. But now, I'm heart brokened. This is the result of not telling your feelings. I really don't know what to do now...

It BLOWed up at 4:16 AM