MINORITY
I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Cause I want to be the minority
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Minority - Green Day

MXYLO

Crap it all out, crap it all out...

Get to the toilet if you need to crap.
I don't have a tagboard, and I couldn't less

Monday, September 28, 2009

It's the 51st post of my blog.

I was sitting down just now, reflecting my whole entire life. It's filled with regrets, love, character building and guilt. I've been through nasty incidents and I made it through, it's hard to not think about it. My life, as I would like to say, it's full of sins, regrets. There were of course the happy and depressing moments. My life is just satisfied, I'm contented. I looked through my life and there were of course, some guys who made my life revolutionary. Those guys made me twirl round and round with my emotions and I can say that my experience is way, way more than those cousins of mine who are at least 10 years older than me. I read about my grandfather's biography just the other day and I should maybe have one biography as well, because I would also want to pass it on to my future children and their children. I guess, my life story would be a nice one, as there's lots of stuff that happened. All sorts. I have many dirty little secrets just like most of my friends, and their friends. But it would rather be shocking about it. I really have no idea why I turned this way, but I think it must have something to do with a guy who was in my life before and now, he's gone. But yeah, I gotta say that what I faced will always be apart of me and it will make me who I am. And, it did.

Now, I'm thinking. Why am I writing such a post? LOL! I really like to reflect a lot on life, maybe. Right now, I'm rather upset because a new friend made of mine broke his promise. And, I don't think I'll get to see him again anymore because he's a friend of my boyfriend. It's a little promise made, but still, it's a promise, right? And god damned it, I'm still struggling with a problem of mine... I hate it so much. Argh..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well, life goes on...

I really hope that I can fast forward to 10 years later.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I don't know what's happening to me again, I feel like a stranger to myself. Am I feeling jealous, angry, sad, heart brokened, nervous or happy? I don't know! And I hate saying I don't know, it's not a definite answer. Everything just seems to piss me off. I've been hearing ''Dirty Little Secret'' all the day long, and I don't know why I keep hearing it, somehow it just relates to how I'm feeling now and I don't feel nice at all. I hate this feeling...

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Monday
I had a really rough day. I was stuck with my thoughts about the results and my buddy that I got assigned to when I was primary 5 called me. She wanted to meet me at Tampines Mart. When I heard her voice, it seems to me like nothing matters anymore. I rushed down to meet her but I reached at around 4.10. While I was in the bus, I nearly fell? Why? Andrew called to ask about the song sheet stuff. Nearly fell, but I didn't. Haha. Then, I saw Luke walking home, Nora board the bus from her school area too. When I finally reached, I was thinking, sooo... Does she still look the same with petite size and the plaits? Haha. Well, I saw a girl who really looked like her walked passed me and I decided to ''follow'' her. Not in a stalker way, but in a way to find out if she's Ineza or not. It turns out to be her and it really does feel sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good to see her after 3 years. 3 whole years. Whoaa.. I miss her so much. I love her. She's so precious. She still has her sweet tooth too. Haha. After my late lunch with her, she brought out her Mathematics assessment book. Whoaaa, I lost touch on those primary school problem sums. I used to get scolded by my teacher about it. It was rather harsh, but yeah, I am who I am today. The answer was 60. The answer didn't came out from me and it was from my boyfriend and my friend, Edwina. After everything, we were expecting bus 28. I decided to send her off to her tuition place and we took a less-than-a-minute picture. Haha. When I was in the bus, I was horrified. I didn't have money to go home at all!!! AHHHH!! Out of coins and notes, my ez link card didn't have any value at all. So yeah, her tuition place was at street 45 and I had to walk back home. Guess how long it took? 30 minutes. I passed by Dunman Secondary, the block I used to stay for a year, Tampines North Primary, East View Secondary. Fwahhhh.. But it's okay, great workout, I guess... Anything for her, but I'm worried that she might be prone to strangers. I really do hope to spend more time with her. But I have my schedule fully packed all the way till Friday. Sighhh.. Ineza is just soooooo precious. Dear Ineza, if you're reading this, I wanna let you know that you're so precious to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope to see you again soon, and I'll really find time for you. Love ya.. :D

Today
Whoaaaaaa... I'm damn pissed with Mr Chai today. I don't wanna talk about it and my dad said that just do what I think is right, as he can't force people to run. It's my 3rd attempt and I failed again. My dad told me to be careful and he said that he really is a weird teacher. Why, you'd ask? After running 2.4 kilometres, your legs would feel rather weak and is he gonna pay for our medical bills if we have an accident? And he expects us to clear our standing broad jump. Sometimes I feel like saying it in his face, I just can't jump, don't you get it? And he asked me if I owned the school, question is Mr Chai, do YOU own the school? Well, I think that all the students own the school, we paid good school fees for the school to keep it running. But we don't pay our school fees for Mr Chai's ridiculous lessons. The ''talking back'' thing is getting into me again, and I made him mad, I guess. We're even now. Yeah, so what if I gave you lame excuses? It's to you that it's lame, but it's a genuine one. If you don't believe it, there's nothing I can do to make you believe. Dumb teacher. My knees were killing me after the run, and you still want me to jump? You gotta be nuts. Stupid teacher... I hope you leave the school.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

I've been thinking all day long. I've finally thought it all through. I know what caused my rage and Irfan's. It's really dumb. Well, I didn't take up his suggestions because I find that it's so restricted. It's like, either it's today or not at all. Don't you find it restricted? I hope I don't choke him halfway. I also hope that I don't have my debating face switched on. It's my fierce face, actually. I hope they can really knock, no. Drill some sense and wake him up tomorrow. It's about time.

I received the one last attachment after 5 days after the deadline. He's really an idiot. Hahaha. It's him, what can you expect?

I have a lot things to worry for this week. I have to worry about homework and Mr Chai's stinkin' PE lesson. Like what I told Shahrul today, I might always seem happy and laughing at lame stuff, but I'm always troubled. I would also like to say that he really reminds me of Shahril. I don't know how Shahril is right now, after that day, we didn't contact anymore. It's rather sad, and I think he's avoiding me too. Maybe I should turn to Iqbal for help. Well, whenever I look at Shahrul, he'll remind me of Shahril. Though they're of different heights, Shahrul still reminds me of Shahril. Good memories.. Haha. I like it that way, I guess. But it's better to have friend than a foe, right?

My mom's gone away for a whole day. She's off see my grandfather. And after that, she has a family meeting. My dad and I wanted to go, but we were asked to stay at home by my aunt. My grandfather's health is really going down. These few days, I've been wondering, how old will I die? How old will my parents pass away? How old will YOU pass away? It's rather sad, and all I hope for this year is for him to pass his 89th birthday in November. That's all.

After so many problems, matters, incidents and things that will affect my life, I'm beginning to think a lot. Well, like what my cousin-in-law Mike said, ''Persevere in what you do, it'll help a lot. Every subject, topic links with each other in the real world.'' I really like him a lot, he's a 45 year old Englishman. I remembered how we talked about the environment while standing drinking Coke with Vodka. He's a really nice guy and I learnt a lot from him. I must say, he was the one who made me think, yes, I wanna be an environmentalist. That's what I should do when I'm older. But, I have other dreams of course. He told me how he was when he was a boy and about his sister. He reminds me of Johnny Rotten from the Sex Pistols. Haha. But of course, the oral hygiene is way better (Johnny Rotten got his name from having bad oral hygiene). I'm loved to hear his childhood stories. It's great to hear that his sister has a fauxhawk. It's so darn cool. Hohoho, I hope I get to meet him soon.

Well, my Sunday ends with thoughts. That's all, I guess...

Thanks, Shahrul!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

I was very pissed this afternoon. Rage and anger was crawling all over me. I finally got the bad news that I didn't hope for. I thought I heard something wrong over the phone. But after I hung up and closed my eyes, I thought that maybe I should clarify. Yesss, alright. I got the bad news. I can't express how angry I was. I felt like screaming on a high pitch and say ''fuck you'' to everybody that I see, I wanna smash that bloody faggot's skull. I want to end this with a peaceful way like how you said it. I have enough of bullshit for these few weeks, and now I've got one word to name this episode. Misleading. What you said and what I thought was all misleading. Misleading to nowhere. I'm so tired of this. It keeps happening to me. Sometimes I ask myself, why does this happen? And my heart tells my brain that it's because what people say to me and what they to say to each other. That's what it's all about. This monday's ''meeting'' is going to end like how I excepted, and I don't think that there's much questions about it. It's just so stupid. I wished for such a ''meeting'' to happen earlier, but it didn't happen at all. After the situation is worsened, the ''meeting'' pops out. There is only one thing that I ask for right now, and that is to ask them think of the people working around him. Will they stress out and be pushed to their final limits?

I'm still burning with rage. Can somebody try to cool me down, please?

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaa... The holidays are about to end. I've been getting nothing but sleep. I think I got too much sleep, that explains the stinging sensations going through at the back of my head. I gotta study, but I've yet to get a start on it. I've been watching TV and sleeping all day long.

Just today, I had 2 weird dreams and 1 dream that I would always have (This tells you how much I sleep in a day). The 2 weird dreams involved guys whom were from my past not too long ago. The dreams were rather nice. The other 1 dream was brilliant and I hope that it is really the future. Sometimes I wish someone would tell me about what dreams really meant. I don't think it's possible at all, but they word here is..? Think.

Life goes on as usual, what can you expect?

After secondary school would be tertiary education...
After tertiary education would be university...
After university would be work...
During work, you'll get married...
During your marriage, you'll have kids with your spouse...
Then, you share your love with them...
After 50 years of your life is gone, you enjoy your old age with your retirement money...
After nearly 80 years of your life is gone, you'll start to think about heaven...
After that, you'll pass away with a smile as your children, friends and relatives surrounds you...

I DON'T WANT MY LIFE TO BE LIKE THAT!

AHHH!!!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Whoaaa.. I had a rather mentally tiring day. I really felt like bashing somebody up after receving some nasty messages. You might be one of the best from the squad, but did it occur to you that what you aim for in your life is not achieved with your stinking attitude? You are really making my blood boil. Who do you think I am? Though I'm always laughing all the way, I know how to be angry. Don't push it. I had it. This is your last straw. Me and Yongsheng and done with your ''tantrums''.

I'm getting increasingly worried for my grandfather. I've been thinking, a 88 year old man gets admitted to hospital for not eating and drinking well. I've been guessing, is it depression? Is it some underlying disease? Oh well, only time will tell.

I managed to accomplish something today. I checked through all the proposals and sent it to the various activity I/Cs. I feel great about it. All is left is to settle the saga so that the main proposal can make its way to Mr Goh.

For the rest of the September holidays (5 days) I have to complete/ do: My POA, Chinese, Geography homework. Study. I can do it, I guess...

Monday, September 7, 2009

My mom's dad is 88 years old now. 4 years ago, my grandmother passed away. Till today, he's thinking about her and kept memories with him till today. My mom was talking about him today and you can feel the love between my grandfather and my grandmother. After my grandmother's death, he was feeling so heart broken. One of my relatives dreamt about my grandmother. In the dream, she said that she'll take my grandfather with her 8 years after her death. He should be 92 years old. I still can remember what I saw as a 11 year old when I was at their house. He was holding her hand looking at her sleep. My grandfather was heartbrokened, but he didn't tell anybody about it. It's just so sweet. Where can you find such love in this modern era?

I had tuition today and it was about moments and center of gravity. Lol, it was quite easy but hard in the beginning.

Only at around 6, I remembered something. Today's the deadline for the lecture presentations! Damn it! Oh well, I have yet to do mine. =P I only received Chris'.

Also, I've received confirmation for the first aid course in October. It's gonna cost me 90 bucks, what the hell?! I gotta pay it by Sept 14th too. Sigh. Good thing is, it's via Nets. I'm gonna find some sponsors. :D

Saturday, September 5, 2009

I had a rather rough day today. I went for the charity event Mainly I love Kids (MILK) at IMM for CIP hours. Omg lah, I don't wanna talk about it but I'll talk about the things in between. So we had this 2.2km brisk walk around the IMM area. There was also free Red Bull and that was what I needed. The guys agreeded along with me that I needed one too. I feel the wings afterwards! Haha. I played Ryan's PSP for awhile because I was feeling bored. As some of you might know, I don't own a PSP and I seldom get a chance to use one. I was rather noob at it. Haha. Afterwards, we had to sell this book of tickets to the public at $2 each. Damn, I have never face such stuff in my life before and I find it really dumb. I didn't wanna sell a ticket, so I sold 1 ticket to myself.

After everything, Kang Lin, Jia Hui and me went for lunch at MacDonald's. I had a double cheese burger meal, upsize. I feel so damn hungry. While we were eating, Michelle and Wei Yan joined us. We talked about some stuff. Only at around 2, I realized that I won't be getting home so early. Why? It's our own transportation to IMM and back. And ya, after lunch Wei Yan, Kang Lin, Jia Hui and me took the train back to Tampines. We took the train to Boon Lay and switched over. We only reached Tampines at 4?! All the way, we slept so soundly. Haha.

During the whole event in the morning, I was really getting hot tempered. I don't wanna exagerate much anymore, I just hope, no, I shall say want somebody with lots of experience to get some sense into his head and let him realize not to take things for granted. I really want this event to be a success. But please, you're acting like a snoob. If everything can be settled by a phone call and emails so easily, would we even need to conduct a meeting for the squad? Sometimes, I really feel like approaching the great Sir Zulkifli about this. I can't stand your stinkin' attitude.

I'm getting worried with the first day of HIT course and NCO course. What will be the sequence? Who will be the parade commander?

Good news: I'm going to be a qualified first aider (for $90. -.-)

Bad news: There's tuition from 1100-1300.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Okay... So Friday's the last day for term 3. Woo~

Wednesday
I had the song leader session. It was fun and I see some familiar faces in this year's area 9 song leaders. Especially the friendly and energetic people from Springfield. Haha. I was rather pissed before it and I didn't expect to enjoy the session. I don't wanna say why I'm pissed but, sometimes I have this urge to shout at that bloody rat. Oh well, it was fun and I actually sorta volunteered for the shirt's design. xD

Today
School was unusually slow. I only looked forward to meet my bby after school. Thankfully, I have him to accompany me to Bukit Batok. He's so chubby. (i'm not gonna say fat, fat is a very mean word. Chubby is a nicer word.) We took 168 and paused in Woodlands for some light lunch. And damn, I stained by school uniform with oil oozing from the kebab I was eating. Afterwards, we went to Bukit Batok straight via MRT. During the train ride, I asked some dumb questions. What does MRT, SMRT and LRT stand for? Haha. When we reached, we walked about half the perimeter of West Mall before finding the taxi stand. We reached there at 4 and I finally paid respects to my grandmother. It was teary. Oh well, to skip that part, I reached home before 6. And now, I'm done with my homework. I'm gonna sketch the design now.

BYEEE!!!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

As planned, I met Qian Ying at about 1.30 to HabourFront. We initially planned for 1.30 but she was slightly late. The journey to HabourFront didn't seem long as we were talking and sharing lame jokes. After we met everybody, we went to Sentosa! But it was only for a short while. Haha.

I feel so auntie today. I took all the serviettes from The Chicken Rice Shop. Haha. Qian Ying encouraged me! While the 5 of us was at The Chicken Rice Shop, we started doing some knots. Figure of 8, Clove Hitch, Hangman Loose? I didn't know Boys Bridgage(?) Boys can tie knots. Haha.

The movie GI Joe was great. But there are some scenes which was rather ridiculous to me. If technology could build such equipment like those in the movie, I guess, more people would abuse it. But, it'll be a great success if scientists can build it.

Today was quite fun. Time flies so fast.

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